Boiled Over

Grandparents Have No Clue

Chad & Stacey — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:21:12 +0000

Family, what does it mean? To us Family means being together as much as possible, always being loving, supportive and going out of your way (without complaint) to help each other whenever possible. We have instilled this into our children which I’m very proud to say has successfully stuck with them.

The problem is that besides us and their wonderful aunt, our kids have no true family to speak of. They have two sets of grandparents that live less than 30 minutes away and they have pretty much abandoned them. You see, our youngest is 14 still living at home, our two oldest have moved out on their own, trying to be responsible adults. WELL since moving out of our house they are excluded from “grandparent functions. The worst part is this is happening on both sides…

One set of grandparents actually said this to our two older kids on Christmas morning:

We don’t “do” for you anymore because you have moved out of your parents house but we made an exception this year. Next year there won’t be anything for you.

For one…they gave the two if us money and each of the kids money. The money for the two of us was more than the amount they gave each of the two older kids.

For two…if moneys tight, we understand and so does the kids…simply say money is tight we couldn’t do anything for you. Why be so crude and say something so hurtful on Christmas morning.

When we confronted them later with this, suggesting they worded it better or stop giving us the money and give it to the kids (who need it more)…They took offense, got mad at us and defended their position.

The second set of grandparents boast about “family” and how important it is BUT when having a family dinner…GUESS WHAT, our two older kids were not invited! When we asked if they could come with us they said yes but we had to bring them food because there wasn’t enough. So much for family, they didn’t even ask how they were doing. I was totally crushed.

Our kids mean everything in the world to us, especially after losing one. We hold them close to us (even when we are upset with them). Family is unconditional love which obviously these grandparents have no idea about.

I would say that they kids are better off without them at this point but they love their grandparents very much even with their faults. They were a little crushed when I took them dinner instead of them going with us to the “family” dinner but they understood. I have no doubt that I’m more upset about it than they are but that’s because I can see the whole picture.

I have come to terms with the fact that our kids will never have a truly supportive grandparent BUT it still makes my blood boil that people can be so course and hurt the ones they love. So much for family…good thing our kids have such supportive parents and a wonderful aunt that will always be there for them no matter what.

Rememberance, what does today mean to you?

apaquette — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 14:26:30 +0000

Today marks the fourth year anniversary of my nephew, Dustin’s, passing. The wounds are still fresh as I sit here and remember the events of that day and it feels like it has just happened. This website was designed by my brother and sister in an effort to help them deal with the loss of a son and mend the pain that will never go away. Every year since the accident goes by the ache in our hearts remains, the long lasting effects on our family is evident everyday and there seems to be such a change in our lives since the events of that day. Every holiday brings on a sadness that he is no longer here with us to celebrate. Every birthday we ask ourselves why and still have no answer.
We feel a dread on January 1st knowing that the anniversary has come around yet once more, and as babies are born and events happen we hope that this day is not tainted by any other events because today is the day that we have a hard time being happy and celebrating anything. I look at his pictures often and I am still thinking that this is incomprehensible that this tragedy has happened to our family. We remember him and tell stories of the things that we remember as we still try to deal with our pain. Sometimes the memories make us laugh and sometimes they make us cry. My heart is often heavy, and it has brought a great uneasiness to me to know that someone that you love can be taken away so early and so quickly with no warning and no time to say I love you and goodbye. I remember driving to my brother and sisters house on that morning thinking the whole time that Dustin will be ok, that he is not dead but hurt and on his way to the hospital as I fought back the bile vomit that rose from my stomach at the thought that he would not be alive. Arriving there for my brother and sister and seeing the ambulance, my sister rushing out to grab a hold of me as I got out of my car. As soon as I held her I knew the horrible truth that I was trying to convince myself was not really happening.
Since the accident I can’t help but think every time one of our children walk out the door that they won’t be back and I have to fight myself to allow my own daughter to grow up a little bit and give her the freedom to do some things that result in her growing into a teenager. I have nightmares every time she stays with friends or goes to hang out at the mall or somewhere that I am not. Every year she gets older I wonder if this will be the last year that I am blessed to have her in my life. I am also pregnant with my second child and can’t help but feel like maybe my baby will not make it because we never know how our future or fate will be decided for us. I have wanted another baby for so many years, and I always think that sometimes you want something so bad that it will not happen. I am scared everyday when my other nephew’s, niece, and my own daughter want to do something that may cause them harm. My own mind and imagination goes wild every time they are not at home and whenever they want to “walk to their friend’s house” or when they get off the bus. You would think that as time goes on these fears would dissipate, but in truth I think that they are getting worse.
I remember the hundreds of people who attended Dustin’s funeral and how there was not a dry eye in the funeral home as the service went on and we got up to say our goodbyes to Dustin, the effect as my whole body shook with sadness as I made a speech that forever hangs next to his picture on my wall. I think of all the people in our family that were there and the magnitude of people who supported my brother and sister in this time of need for them. As still I watch the news and see all these people that have died in Haiti, as well as think back on 9-11 and see what a great out pouring of generosity people are putting forth for these people who are in need and dying that they don’t even know. What hurts me the most is that there are people in our own family that will take part in these tragedies around the world and these will be events that will be remembered yearly in the news stories. People will take time every year to remember people lost and will take a moment of silence to pray for their families. This is a great thing, but many of these people in our own family that remember these events in our country still don’t remember what happened on January 23rd 2006 in our own family. I am amazed and disappointed that many of our family members only remember Dustin’s passing and accident when I tell them that this is the anniversary. We are family and I can’t believe that something that is so devastating to this day for us is just another day for so many others. Those who didn’t know Dustin would have no reason for today to be such a sad day, but the people in our family that took part in the funeral and cried like he was their own son can’t even remember what happened just a short 4 years ago and I wonder how could they forget? Maybe I am naive to think that people’s day should be forever changed like ours has, but I am truly amazed that it is such an easy thing for people to forget when they can remember events across the world that effected no one that they loved, but people that they did not know and they still have to be reminded of the date a family member has left this world.
I understand that everyone’s tragedies are their own. We all deal with things differently and we all have our own degrees of grief. I could never pretend to imagine how my brother and sister feel on a daily basis that their son is not here. I could never imagine how my nephews or niece feel that their brother is gone. I know how I feel about it and it could never compare to the grief that they are dealing with every day, every holiday, and every birthday. I can only support them and love them and deal with my own feelings and understand that theirs are much greater and deeper than my own, as they are his parents and brothers and sister. It pains me so that there are only a handful of the people in our family who remember this day like we do. There are only a few close family members that will grieve for Dustin today, out of the hundreds that came to his funeral there will be only a handful that will look upon this day as we do. To the rest, this day did not happen four years ago, and it has become just a bad memory of “that day” in the back of their minds one day “sometime in January”.
No one new in our lives will ever remember that day or the effects that it truly had on us, they will not understand why this day has so much pain and why my brother and sister will not participate in any parties or get togethers’ today for someone else’s celebration. It is not that they are selfish or don’t want to celebrate for others, it’s because today is a day of remembrance and sadness, today is a day that we cannot forget, today is a day to be together and love and support each other. Today is the day that we remember like it just happened.

What have we come to?

apaquette — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 17:55:19 +0000

I just have to comment on this add that I read yesterday regarding a person that was proven guilty through our judicial system and tried to be executed. I am a little up in the air about executions however, I think that in a lot of cases I am for it more than against it. The reason for that is because I don’t think that one person should be able to take the life of someone else and walk free. I guess what angers me the most is that when someone commits a crime, it is us who pay for it. Financially we are housing inmates and feeding them and they are able to live for free with T.V. and three square meals a day. Now I am not arguing that Prison life is the best life, but what I am saying is that when you are in trouble for committing a crime against other people what gives you the right to have ANY rights whatsoever? I think it is truly crazy that people in prison have rights and cable tv. I don’t have anywhere to sleep if I don’t pay my rent, I don’t have any food to eat if I don’t buy it. I don’t have cable t.v., unless I pay and subscribe to it. I don’t have a flat screen tv, but the prisons have them now. I don’t have electricity but inmates get all of these things for free. If I am a working part of society why is it that I get punished by having to pay for these things when I am a positive part of our society and stay out of trouble. I would love to know when it was that people who have taken away or abused other peoples rights and done things that were against the law get any rights at all.

In this particular case that I was reading yesterday there was a gentleman that was going to be executed unfortunately for him the execution did not work and he did not die. Now I think that this is unfortunate and it was horrible that this happened to him, however he did kill someone and take their life from them. This is why he was on the execution block. So now the government or sate is asking weather it is humane to try to kill him again and to put him through that kind of pain. My answer to that is HELL YES and this time make sure he dies. Now from my point of view is he has taken someone elses life and that person did not get another chance. He did not stop until they were dead so why should he get another chance to live because he was in a lot of pain from the injection that did not work? I am sorry, this may sound heartless, but the reality of it is why should he get more of a chance and get the opportunity to live and soak the rest of Americans from their money while we house him in prison because he didn’t die the first time and it’s inhumane to try it again and put him through the pain twice. Do you really think that he thought about the person he killed and how inhumane it was to kill them the way he did? I don’t think he did, not until he got caught anyway. So the bottom line is this, why do people who have no regard for someone else get rights? They did not deserve the rights that we are giving them. The only right they deserve when in prison is to be able to have toiletries, clean clothes and a blanket to cover up with. Why do we help those who do not help themselves? Why do we continue to give rights to people who don’t deserve them, and everyone else must pay for their actions.

I found this article on Charter.net in the us news section.

Boiled Over Turns Two

Chad & Stacey — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:03:35 +0000

Over Thanksgiving weekend Boiled Over reached the two year mark! I haven’t been posting much over the last year (I’ll get to that later) and we’ve still reached almost 13,000 visitors. That may not seem like many people when you compare it to other websites but it amazes me how many people are interested in the topics on our site.

Boiled Over means everything to us, we came up with the idea while grieving and being angry over Dustin’s death. We personally needed a place to Boil Over about anything that made our blood boil. You see, the anger we hold over losing our son can be very powerful at times so when you read or deal with any other injustice it amplifies the feeling. Boiled Over to us is a way to vent that anger. Sometimes all it takes to let it to feel better is to voice your opinion and that’s what we encourage you to do here.

Every morning when I read the news, I find at least one article that should be a Boiled Over post. The problem is I’ve been working at home for a real paycheck and find it hard to fit in writing a post on this site. With times so tough financially I tend to spend all my time working BUT I’m setting a goal to post at least once a week…maybe a Furious Friday theme.

There are so many injustices lately and they need to be discussed…

Unemployment Rate
Foreclosure Rate
Health Care Crisis
Big Business Still Taking Advantage
Criminals Released Early to Kill Innocent People

We encourage you to participate in venting on Boiled Over, trust me it makes you feel much better. If more people voiced their frustration in words maybe…just maybe…the acts of violence around the country would slow down!

Between Hope and Exhaustion

3xi5t3n2 — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 06:49:26 +0000

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. He’s younger than me but in a lot of ways I found him to be much more mature than guys my age or older. He had a full-time job, had just bought a newer car, and was taking flight lessons to become a pilot. He was broke most of the time, but so was I because of my medical bills, so it worked out perfect. We enjoyed each other’s company and, when we could afford it, we would split the bill when we went out to the movies, dinner, etc. About 6 months later, we both got laid off from our jobs. We both went back to college full-time and were (barely) living off of student loans and unemployment compensation. At the time, I was renting a room at my aunt’s house, and he pretty much lived with me in my room also. My aunt thought it would be best to make him pay half the rent, which wasn’t much to begin with, and I agreed with her. But, because of his debt (car payments, insurance, pre-relationship DUI, flight lessons, etc.) his financial situation got worse and worse. He was not only unable to contribute to paying rent, but I ended up helping him pay his bills once in a while, paying his half of the rent because I didn’t want my aunt to suffer financially too, and started putting off my medical necessities. A couple of months ago, I had to move out of my aunt’s (and my boyfriend with me) because her daughter needed a place to live. My apartment’s rent is more than twice what I was paying for the room I had, and of course I have to pay for utilities, Internet, food, etc. What pisses me off to no end is that I have been taking care of him and backing him up when he needed the financial help this whole time, and I am barely able to make ends meet because not only am I taking care of myself, a cat, and an apartment, but an extra person who adds to the expenses… yet he still sees no reason to get a job and at the very least take care of his end of the bargain. I have been wearing my monthly pair of contacts for about 6 months, I have about 5 cavities that are getting more and more painful, I have medications that allow me to function that I haven’t been able to afford, I have a cancer that I am supposed to be getting check-ups on but can’t afford to, and I have major back pains that flare up to intolerable levels the more I am stressed. I am constantly on edge, trying to figure out how in the world am I going to take care of my health with my boyfriend’s burdens on my shoulder. It’s getting exhausting… He eats a lot, he smokes like a chimney and gets offended when I ask him to please cut down on the cigarettes because they are expensive! Whenever he throws a fit, I tell him to get a job so that he can smoke 2 packs a day for all I care, leave lights on and max out the AC in the apartment, and do whatever else he wants that is now costing me more than I can handle, but he still doesn’t get it! He makes a mess whenever he’s in the kitchen, throws clothes around and uses up towels like I have an infinite supply somewhere and causing me to do way more laundry than we really need to, I cook and the food disappears way too quickly because “he can’t help it,” he doesn’t even care to put his shoes away when he walks in, he just tosses everything around so I’m constantly picking up after him! I give him advice and try to steer him in the right direction but he just gets offended, or pretends to understand then completely negate what I say later, or whatever excuse he has. I don’t know about the majority of people out there, but if I had someone covering my behind, keeping me clothed and fed and sheltered and loved (and even entertained for crying out loud!), I would do everything in my power to contribute in whatever ways I could!! I am stressed out beyond what I can physically handle; I have maybe 2 muscle relaxants left that I have been saving for months now just in case I fall apart, and the only thing that helps… the only thing that literally makes my back relax and takes way from the pain in the herniated disks and even helps me sleep, is for my boyfriend to gently scratch my back, or arm, or just stroke my hair… it’s that simple. Financial and emotional pains aside, at least some of the physical pain could be remedied. But, I am lucky if he strokes my back at night for one minute once every other week… Even then, he grunts about it because it is such a “tedious” chore. So here I am battling yet another excruciatingly painful, sleepless night while he is comfortable in bed, after smoking his last cigarette for the night. Is it just me, or is something wrong with this picture…? Is it really that much to ask? I take care of him in every way, and ask (but end up just hoping) that he alleviates some of that load that literally hurts my back by taking 5-10 minutes out of his time a week, all it takes is some gentle physical contact… I guess it turns out I can’t afford that either.

Detroit Lions Finally Win

Chad & Stacey — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:44:59 +0000

Just wanted to give a shout out to all Lions Fans! We finally won! For those of you who don’t know I’m a HUGE football fan! I love the NFL and I’m an avid watcher every Sunday afternoon. Ask my kids about Sunday football and nachos in our house…BIG tradition! Well even though we had to listen to the radio for our Lions game this week, due to the fact that the Lions game did not sell out which I think is Bullshit! WE WON! The Lions finally pulled it off after 20 games! Yes, we went the entire NFL professional season last year without a win…WE DID IT! Let’s hope this is the start to an awesome season for the Detroit Lions and the fans that have been extremely dedicated to a team that really hasn’t deserved it. To all the Lions Fans…we WILL DO IT! Yeah! GO Lions…Stafford keep it up and Hanson we love you…our Lonesome kicker that always pulls it off! It’s finally a good day in Michigan!

The Horrific Morning That Will Never Go Away

Chad & Stacey — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 13:23:05 +0000

Chad has started to tweet Boiled Over so he has been going through random posts, tweeting them and making new friends. Well this morning it was my turn to give Twitter a try…

I wanted to give people a sense of what we are all about so of course I went straight to the About Us page. That led me into the posts I wrote about clearing the sidewalks, which are my most passionate posts. As we were looking through a post I wrote in December of 2007 we clicked on a video link I had placed from the local news station. We were surprised that we could still watch it and it had been a while so we did.

The reporter was interviewing a Township board member about businesses not clearing the sidewalks and how it was a reoccurring problem then

BAMMM…

“The Accident”

On the video were scenes from the morning our son was killed. There it was right in our face

Footage of his bike under the SUV

We honestly don’t remember those scenes being in the video or we would prepared ourselves…but it reminds us that even as life moves on that horrific morning will never go away.

The video is a good one, it helped keep at least 50% of the sidewalks clear last year. The Township still doesn’t issue tickets nor do they issue the reminder Mr. Morrison speaks of. This video Bridgeport Businesses Asked to Clear Snow of Sidewalks gives parents like us some type of ammunition against government run institutions that can legally neglect their responsibilities of enforcing codes that can lead to killing kids.

We have many supporters that agree our son would have never been riding his bike in the road if he had a clear sidewalk to travel on…

The Township won’t admit their mistake and they won’t enforce the code. They have spit in our face and in the face of any parent that has lost a child due to the same circumstances. Just because they’re “the government” it doesn’t give them the right to neglect public safety due to the cost of issuing a ticket which actually brings in revenue.

It gets worse…The State Police Post on the side of the road where our son was hit by the car… Well lest just say that we had to call the Township Supervisor last year because they were not shoveling their sidewalks. Every year on the anniversary at the time of Dustin’s accident a group of us go to the cross on the side of the road and light a candle as a tribute to his memory. Last year there was 10 inches of snow across the sidewalk leading to his cross.

So even the State Government could give a shit about the safety of kids riding their bikes to school. That Really Makes Me Boil Over!

The Oldest Profession

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:01:10 +0000

I seen an article this morning while drinking my coffee I don’t know if I was pissed off or what. The article read Craiglist Hooker Sweep Nets 28 Women .Now I have a bit of a different opinion. It was some internet under cover sting. Okay fir I feel if a woman decides to be a professional escort that’s her business and not for any body to put their nose in.

Has anybody seen what the hell is going on out the in the real world. People are starving because there is no work. The unemployment is outrageous. The poor are getting poorer and the rich stay rich. What if these women had no choice in there life at this point in time? What if that’s the only way they can feed there family or keep the heat on through the winter.

I myself am not saying that it’s right to be in The Oldest Profession”. I am however saying who, are we to judge the way someone has to pay the bills. I’m lucky enough when I lost my job in construction” I’ve been doing for 13 years” I could work at home making a paycheck every week.

Even if someone has to take things to that extreme they should have the right to make that decision. I say let them take back the money the rich have been sucking this society dry of for so many decades. Lets just face the fact that sex sells.

Where is the loyalty

Chad & Stacey — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 15:36:37 +0000

Hello everyone. I came onto Boiled Over today to express my feelings about a company’s loyalty towards an employee that has worked for many years. Yes I am speaking about myself. My name is Chad I’m the screamer you see when you log into my wife’s and my blog. That’s me aright. I am the Ironworker you probably have read about so many times on this blog. I have worked for the same company for almost thirteen years. I have worked many hours and sweated blood for my employer. I have even bled for this company. I’ve had my arm literally ripped open and even cut the top of my thumb off. I never miss work and I am one of the best Ironworkers in the company. So I’ve been told.

There is always a slow time of year for us Ironworkers but it’s never affected my job. Usually when everyone is laid off I’m still working. Well guess what, I’m laid off. Some of you might be thinking this guy has a big head. That’s not the case. I have a work ethic that I stick by and that is when you are at work you give110% every day. Right now my employer has about 12 people working none of witch has been employed longer then 5 years. I say to myself where is the loyalty of an employer that I’ve worked for so long for.

I’ve tried to call him but he does not return my calls. I’ve called all the foremen in this company and they don’t have a bad thing to say about me at all. Now at this time my wife and I are struggling to pay the bills and might lose our house. I’ve started to work at home like my wife does. It’s a bit trying but I’m getting use to it. I have been learning a lot about working at home because I have my wife to help coach me. It’s not really my passion. I would rather be up high on the iron than sitting behind a desk. I guess I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do. Plus I make much more money on the iron. I’m not sure if this will save our financial dilemma but we are trying. Stacey is much more advanced then I but she’s been doing this work at home for the 13 years I’ve been an Ironworker.

I don’t know, I guess I was feeling a bit like my avatar looks and wanted to Boil Over. Stacey has made up an e-book that might help a lot of people that are going through the same things I am. It’s called The Guide to Earning a Weekly Paycheck Working at Home on the Internet. I think it is an awesome program and I am now using this while I’m working at home. Anybody that is interested in working from home should check this out.

I’m still stuck on the whole loyalty issue but I’m getting over it. I’m also making money at home and hopefully I’ll make enough that I won’t have to work on the iron again. After all it is probably the most dangerous job in the world. Feel free to comment or send this off to a friend now I must get back to work. Stacey is now my boss and she a whole lot better looking than my old boss lol.

being gay

Ujjo — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 20:26:36 +0000

I so not present as gay. I am though, and I am weary, oh so very weary, of the caricatures presented by the hetero world as well as the gay world.

I don’t believe in god, I think that religion is evil itself. I believe in the first amendment and take great exception with all of those who would abridge my rights on religious grounds, and after all the only arguments that can be used against same sex anything are religious and or bigoted, or both.

I don’t care what the bible says, it has no more relevance than a comic book. First amendment says so.

Nothing in the constitution forbids or restricts who may f*ck whom, nor under what circumstances. Any laws restricting same clearly violate the first amendment.

I have no great desire to announce my sexuality with signs on my car, or tattoos on my forehead. I wish only to conduct my life within the protections legitimately afforded me by the constitution and the singular proposition that we are all created equal. Enough said.

Anybody has the right to be offended by anything I do, as I have the right to be offended by them, but as long as I do not violate their rights, I don’t care if they are offended. If they violate my rights, they have trespassed, and beyond offending me, they have surrendered the moral and legal high ground, and should be appropriately disciplined by the law, although certainly not in any cruel and unusual way.

There is nothing difficult about any of these concepts. There is only the perverted wanton desire for one group of people to force others to behave in a specific way, which is the complete antithesis of liberty.

Liberty is the reason we are told, so much blood has been shed by and for this country over the centuries. Who will be the first to stand and say that blood was a waste and liberty a sham simply because two people wish to be together?