I’ve been with this man for two years.  What is bothering me is that I have being trying in vain to make the best of it, but his depression is truly smothering me. Actually, it is driving me insane. Its like dating Jekyll and Hyde. I never know who I am going to get at any moment.  I never know what is going to set him off. His anger is repulsive. Who he is and who he says he is are two COMPLETELY different people. He has the ability to be the most wonderful man, but his highs and lows turn him into two completely different people.

I love him. I must love him to have struggled along with him for so long. He is going to counseling which is  great. But, he’s been to counseling before. I don’t think its just that easy. This is the worst part: I just found out last night that apparently we have sexual issues! Wow. Another humdinger.

Apparently, what I was doing (which is stimulating myself while he’s doing his thing) has made him feel useless in the sack. I want to say first of all, he’s not useless! He’s well endowed and he’s very talented. Its just that every woman is different. That’s just my button! And I tried to explain to him  not every woman is stimulated the same. But, him “not being able to satisfy me” as he call it, had affected him so much he decided to take about every pill we own in the house – in an attempt to kill himself. Brilliant. Now, I get to feel like shit. All he had to do was talk to me! But, he’s so uptight about talking about sex that I never knew what he didn’t like and he never knew why I was doing that! I tried guiding him, but he’s so stubborn he thinks that he should be able to figure me out.

I didn’t know it was such a huge hit to his ego. I’m very shocked. Then he tells me since I have been doing that he can’t fully stand to attention. ( However, I wouldn’t say that’s completely true.) Then, last night he cruelly sent me an E-Mail that read- “By the time you receive this, you should have received a phone call  that I’m dead.” His words have my self-confidence dragging today. Its really just awful. Our relationship is at an all time low today. I don’t know how to move past this.

But, no. He didn’t die. He’s under supervision and seeing a therapist. This isn’t the first time he’s attempted suicide (previously, he was being cruelly bullied in the military). This is one flaw in his character I don’t think I can take anymore: he is a man who would prefer to take the easy way out. This applies to most decisions he’s made in his life. I am the opposite. I try to give him hope, but he doesn’t listen to me.  I try to tell him maybe we two don’t belong together. But, he won’t even listen to that. His actions display that he is crying out for help. But, I don’t know what to do!!!

I spent four months away from him once. But,  The relationship wouldn’t end there.He would call and he was Jekyll again: charming, enthusiastic, considerate,hopeful, loving and full of laughter <-All those parts of him that I really enjoy. But, when he pulls me back in, he is just a silent, tight ball of frustration. Nothing I say can get through to him. He focuses on everything and everyone but me. I feel like I don’t matter to him. He is non intentionally killing my spirit. Which is worse in my opinion than doing it on purpose. At least then, I could hate him and just move on. But, it seems like he just can’t help it.

I don’t wanna fix him, I don’t know how to and I lack the time and apparatus to do so. I want to understand how to communicate through that thick head of his. He doesn’t leave me any clues.

It seems I have gotten myself into a terror of a relationship and I don’t know how to improve it. And that’s just what I really want to do, improve it.  Why? Because I love the hell out of this man and he has such great potential. But, sometimes I feel like that won’t happen and I should run away as fast as I can!! Maybe that part of me is right. Its hard to tell. When I take a step back and look at things, I can see that this will not end well. Maybe I’m still around because I fear the end of us. Maybe I stick around because we could be so, so good. I’m a very intelligent girl, how do I not know what to do?

Been in my relationship for 5yrs now fell in love with the man he was then but as of this past year in a half my love for him is steadly fading. I’m at the point where im not even attracted to him anymore. I’m disgusted with the person he is becoming. He is forming an addiction to a drug. He has become an irritating alchoholic. He’s a lier! Always has his buddies up his rear. I no longer look forward to the weekend because my home is over flowing with drunks and the main topic of their conversations is dope,dope,dope!!! All my efforts i put into having a nice clean home is over taken by sloppy disgusting grown men. So I’m at the point of combustion. It’s me who’s left with cleaning up all their messes. I am sad and lonely and pissed! You know he never has time for anything that interest me. Never ever just me and him alone time. He never takes just me out for a good time it’s the same ole crap every weekend! We pretty much argue now all the time I’m stressed out I refuse to live my life this way. I’ve put my foot down i’ve had it i gave him the option of being single free to do whatever his heart desires or remaining in this relationship with me. So he promises things will change but i’m not one to believe words show me actions! So let’s see how this works out.

On March 4th I received an email from my mother-in-law stating that Boiled Over was a blank white page. I thought to my self what could be wrong I was just on there a couple days ago.

I entered the site to see….a blank page! I again though to myself, what could be wrong, maybe I should have upgraded WordPress as my host suggested…

Nope! After a little investigating I realized that Boiled Over had been deleted in it’s entirety. That right…everything was gone except for my design folder and all the images I uploaded over the past 4 years.

After crying the day away and thinking how could a project I have no monetary value in and only did as a tribute to my son be gone…entirely gone, four years worth of work that has earned us a great place with Google.

A few emails to BlueHost and I still had no answers.

“Wordpress was deleted from your account on February 24th for the domain BoiledOver.com.”

Are you kidding me…The site was deleted from my account, I would never do that! The only conclusion I can come to is that we were HACKED! Someone out there in the great World Wide Web does not like us…BUT we don’t care!

After hours and hours of scraping Google for cache pages (thank goodness they had them) and a site backup from 2009 (yes, I should have a more recent one) we were back up and running.

I WILL NEVER LET THIS SITE DIE! It is a tribute to the one thing we lost that we loved so very much, Our Son Dustin! I created this site as a place for people to vent, a place that people could complain about anything that bothered them without reaping the repercussions that come with everyday life.

With all that’s going on in today’s world, we all need a place like Boiled Over…a place to vent and move on with our lives. Whether you’re pissed about work, politics or the people you are around every day…have your say on Boiled Over!

Hi all

I think its incredibly easy to get annoyed at life and let lots of things get you down. The power of positive thinking is very strong.

There are some things in life I can’t imagine going through for example losing a child, but there are some issues that can be solved with a complete change of attitude. If you keep thinking the worst it is likely that the worst will happen.

My friend sent me this blog the other day, the person who writes it seems so angry with everything in life and so incredibly unhappy. Maybe the grumpiest person ever? Hopefully you will see my point and realize with a chnage of attitude its amazing what can be fixed:

http://thisangrylife.blogspot.com/

Let me know what you think.

My life is falling apart I am falling apart. Don’t even know where to begin.

No job, got let go because missed to many days for being sick.

Owe IRS 6 grand, losts of pressure

Owe $265 for fines I can not pay for

On unemployement but barely enough to pay my bills

No insurance for meds and they cost $185 amonth(on a wait list for Badger care, there is like thousands on it)

I have major back and neck issues always in alot of pain and redirects me from alot of things like a job everyday activeities. It hurts to sit,stand, lay and lift my arms.

Trying to study for my GED but not a very smart person so taking along time. If I get that I was thinking of going to school for Medical Assit. if I can get a student loan.

Well I do feel a bit better to get this off my chest but it is still there………. No luck bad luck