My baby’s Momma decided to date a 24 yr old kid. hes broke and lives with his momma. he is a mommas boy! Now shes broke and screaming to me for money. I know him as Jon Hlutke

What work the man has managed to scrounge up the last 8 months is what I either found or gave him. He managed to stay in his own apartment (few blocks from me) but he was barely hanging on. Then in March I caught him screwing another woman. I cut him lose, but then so did she, within hours after she found out he had lied to her about our relationship. He came crawling back a few weeks later and like a fool I took him back.

He has done a lot for me, it’s true. Helped with things around the house, did all the cooking, maintained my car — but the financial drain was horrible. He refused to get food stamps to help with the groceries. He hit me up for money for rent repeatedly, refusing to move in with me because he would’t give up his cats and I can’t have them where I live.

In June his electricity was cut off (he owed over $1,500) and he started hanging at my house every day while I was at work. Playing video games on my computer and chatting with other women online. He made a huge mess every day and never cleaned up after himself. Meanwhile I still picked up the tab for all the groceries, his beer & cigarettes, and little special items to make him feel better about being out of work (which he claimed he was looking for but nothing ever materialized)

Then he joined a band and started making a little cash, but not much. Until he started causing a lot of conflict and drama in the band. They fired him after just 2 months and he tried to blame it on me, because one of the guys and I got together to compare notes on his lies and behaviors.

It was right around this time I found out he had been screwing other women on the road, had even talked one of them in to letting him move in with her so he could look for a job near the city SHE lives in (5 hours from here), and at the same time was chasing after a woman right here in our city who he had met through a temp job I had set them both up with. My guy is 44, the woman he started seeing on the side is 60, divorced and lonely. (Can anyone say Gigolo?) She fell for his sob story hook, line and sinker.

This went on for several weeks. He hid the relationship from me (I work days, she works nights) and when I did figure it out, he claimed they were just friends. Then he started leaving my place earlier and earlier at night and sneaking over to see her when her shift as a waitress ended. Two weeks ago I caught him coming home at 7 in the morning and ended things on the spot. No way I was going to continue financing his life while he went off to play with other women. Up until then, he’d never had any reason to ask her for money or help of any kind. But that’s going to change quick, fast and in a hurry. Let HER find out what its like to support his deadbeat ass.

Last week he finally got evicted from his place. He owed the landlord over $5,000. And I found out he has a 16 year old son he never bothered to mention – and he’s over $50,000 behind in child support.
He has defaulted on numerous loans, has another eviction from just 3 years ago, and hasn’t been able to hang on to a job for more than 2 years in the last 18. He’s $90,000 in debt and just doesn’t care. He’ll take whatever he can get from anyone who is sucker enough to give it to him. And the worst part is: he feels completely entitled to all of it. Oh. And EVERYTHING that has ever gone wrong in his life is always someone else’s fault. He can’t see his role in any of it.

Right now I don’t even know where he’s living. We haven’t spoken in two weeks. Social Services set him up in a place I think- but he could just as well be living with the 60 year old. He still owes me $400 from a loan I made him in May. He should be getting paid for a job I got for him any day now, and he told me he’d get it to me, but with his track record, I doubt I’ll see any of it.

I know he’s someone else’s problem now and that I am well rid of him, but at the same time I miss him. He was a good companion, and you don’t just go from talking and being with someone 7 days a week to nothing overnight and NOT miss them.

I would have been further ahead to have NOT taken him back in March when he first cheated on me. I guess I just wanted him to do better and BE better, but it’s not in his nature. He’ll always be a deadbeat and he’ll always chase women, lining up the next one while he’s playing the one he’s got.

I recently left my ‘fiancé’, after a two year relationship. If you can call it a relationship?!
I moved to America to pursue a lifetime of love and happiness. Yeah, didn’t quite work out like that.

The first week that I arrived wasn’t even the greatest experience. However, I continued, I mean, it was stressful for the both of us. Both needing to adapt to everything.
I was aware of his ‘love’ of video games, et cetera. I guess I never really took into consideration just how much he loved playing them.
Like I said, the first week..all he did was complain he was ‘bored’, as we booked ourselves into a hotel. We wanted some privacy and it was supposed to be a time to relax and enjoy one another.
Into the second week and the game controller was in his hand, leaving me in the background.
Which is where I was placed from then on.
It got to the point of where we were living separate lives.
On top of everything else he wasn’t working. so there was added pressure.
So now I had a fiancé that wouldn’t provide for me financially, nor emotionally.

Feeling already the failure I found myself excusing his behaviour to everyone who questioned his lack of actions. I mean, I loved this guy. I gave up everything for this man. Surely he loved me!? He says he loves me.. when he chooses to pay me attention it feels like the best feeling in the World. The list of excuses went on..and on.

Then I became pregnant..At first he was wonderful about the pregnant. Attentive, gentle, sometimes a little too suffocating. Then I guess the ‘honeymoon’ period was replaced by an Xbox 360.
I’d look around our apartment at the lack of baby items, and I’d see his ever growing collection of ‘toys’ taking up most of our bedroom. Great.

Gaming would go on day and night. I was psychically drained from my pregnancy and now feeling totally emotional. I blamed the hormones for my state of depression and on going tearful outbursts. I’d attend health check visits on my own, the staff asking if “Daddy is busy working, again?!”.. “Yes, as always.”, I’d reply.

Work?! Pfft.. He’d been up all night playing games and couldn’t be bothered to join me. It came to a point in my pregnancy where I was getting very little sleep, due to the online banter. Yes, he’d continue to play through the night, with the aid of a microphone. This meant I was having to listen to his rants at other ‘gamers’. Charming.
He’d refuse to play elsewhere in the house, and well, I refused to sleep on the couch.
I was pregnant, and it wasn’t a comfortable couch at that.

I guess this is where it went downhill fast..
Arguments continued, it came to a point of where I’d have scheduled crying sessions in the bath tub. He was unavailable for my emotional needs, and sure as hell wasn’t there for me when he was playing a game..which was, uhm, always!? As the arguments became more frequent, I became more and more depressed. I then knew it wasn’t my hormones, it was him.
I can’t leave him now!? He’ll change once the baby is here!
I mean, they always say a man becomes a father when he holds his child.. right?!
Wrong.
I did everything.
I was even up cleaning and cooking the same day I brought our beautiful baby home.
Where was he? No. Asleep. My labour took its toll on him. He was tired!
Give it another day.. Yes, he was back playing games.
Our daughter had terrible colic, also oral thrush. This caused her a lot of discomfort, and in result made her cry A LOT.
Then came the postnatal depression. YAY.
So, I had postnatal depression on top of depression, a screaming baby…and a ‘gamer’.
He’d complain about our baby crying and interrupting his game, that he couldn’t talk on the mic, and he didn’t want to subject the other players to a screaming baby.
How considerate.

Our relationship plummeted further..

I had no friends around, no ‘father’ for my child. I was now the mother of two.
No, I wasn’t foolish to become pregnant again. I considered my fiancé the ‘elder’ child.

During this process my self confidence was basically non existent. I was still carrying the extra weight from my pregnancy, and now I found myself eating out of sheer boredom. It’s not like I had anyone to impress. I’d sleep alone, when I would get up with our child he’d choose to go to bed.

Leaving me to tend to our child, and having to ‘keep the noise down’, as he was trying to sleep. He must get at least 8 hours, or he’s not able to function.

Oh..he got a job! Didn’t improve anything though. After all, when he finished work he’d whine about how hard his life is. How is must be great for me, being at home all day. It totally slipped his mind that I looked after a toddler, cleaned, cooked.
However, I shouldn’t complain, as he always told me that millions of women do that and they don’t complain. They don’t complain? Because they’re not with you.
Besides, I never complained. I’d simply remind you that my ‘work’ was hard, also.

Anyway, now he was working man. Yeah, a working man with a new found ego. Oh, he was up there on his own little pedestal. He was untouchable. Except he was missing out on his games. Awe.
Didn’t stop him spending every free moment with his beloved machines. The routine continued. I’d go to bed, after I finished tending to his needs. I was exhausted.
I had been up since the break of day..well, you know how it goes. I’d end up getting 3 hours of sleep a day.
Meanwhile, he’s having his ‘free’ time playing games or on the internet all night. He’d spend about an hour, if that with our child before he retired to his comatose state. Then he’d wake up about an hour before work, take a 20minute shower, then a smoke break with a session of text messaging..oh, erm, what about spending time with your child before work, dear?! “I don’t have time!”..
Nice. So in total you spent an hour with our lil’ one today!

When he’d return home from work at 1:30am he’d go take a shower, I’d prepare his meal. I’d tried to chat with him, only to get whined at as I was babbling on too much. I haven’t had a conversation with an adult ALL day, of course I am ‘babbling’ on. In the end I would just give up and go to bed. This would be another scheduled crying session.

Final straw came when I found out he was doing more than just playing games with machines, he was playing games with another woman. His ex.
Made sense why he wasn’t coming to bed at night. After all, why come to bed when someone who is real? He can have his virtual cake and eat it. He can switch her off every night.. unlike me. He refused to admit it was cheating. After all, he wasn’t emotionally involved with her and he didn’t physically engage in sexual activity.
Aren’t I lucky?!

I am glad I enabled his message archive. Otherwise I might still be crying myself to sleep.

Yes, I still cry at times. I know that those tears will soon dry up.

My life is now with MY child. My heart is mending, too.

He used the excuse of his parents hiding his car keys to get out of hanging out with me. Sometimes we wouldn’t see each other for weeks on end. Then something happened. Something rather serious. My mom purposely drove her car head on into a tree. She was in the hospital, every bone in her body broken or shattered and deep wounds. He took off work for a week and spent that week trying to hold me together. My mom was schizophrenic and had been trying to kill herself ever since I was a toddler, sometimes in front of me. At the end of the week, she died. Yet he continued to make excuses to leave work and hang out. We were with each other almost every day. His job started threatening to fire him. When things got heated, he ended up quitting. He spent two weeks unemployed, doing nothing before he even started looking for other jobs. He did latch onto one, a better job, with more hours and more money.

I moved out of the house sometime around here. I was living with my neighbors. He started canceling plans last minute and being a real jerk. He would make me fee bad and con me into giving him blow-jobs. He would yell and scream at me and call me names. We started fighting all the time, after never really fighting before that. When we hung out it was always doing what he wanted to do and never what I did. He would touch me inappropriately in public and when I told him to stop he refused to, and people would be angry at me for letting him touch me. In a moment of stupidity, I suggested we have sex. We prepared, got the protection we needed, and eventually did it. Four days later he texted me saying he didn’t feel ready to be in a committed relationship. I still hadn’t recovered from my mom’s death, and needless to say I ended up overdosing on painkillers. I almost died. He took me back, saying he was sorry and didn’t mean anything he said. My neighbors had kicked me out. Fast forward to last spring.

We were supposed to be hanging out at my house, but he was angry at me and didn’t want to anymore. I wanted to talk about it and talk through the problem instead of staying mad. He kept telling me to get out of the car. I refused. Then something I didn’t expect happened, he opened the door and attempted to throw me out. He grabbed onto the flesh on my back and kept twisting it until I started screaming in pain. He kept hitting my back (I was curled up in a little ball) and twisting my skin and clawing me and cursing me out, and my back was in so much pain I couldn’t think. I finally toppled over and fell out of the car onto the pavement, and I couldn’t move. I remember hearing him drive off. I just stayed there. I kept thinking about what had happened in the past and crying. I don’t know how long I was there for, but he came back and forced me to get up. He dragged me into the house and herded me upstairs like I was a sheep. He brought up some ice for me and took off my shirt to apply it. All I heard was “Holy ****…”. He didn’t say anything else until I looked in the mirror. There were bruises everywhere and there was blood soaking through the skin. It was ugly. He cleaned me up and applied the ice for awhile before leaving.

His ex girlfriend and him randomly started being in contact again. I haven’t mentioned her before so I’ll describe it now. When we first started dating they were really close friends. Then they had a falling out, and he thought nothing of her but a slut and trash talked her every chance he got. They stopped talking, and I was still her friend. One day, after six months of them supposedly not being in contact, he cradled me in his arms and said he’d have to cancel his plans with me the coming Saturday because he was going to a Halo competition. I knew something was fishy since it was Halo 3, which can be played online. He wouldn’t have to go to the person’s house. I let it slide. A few days later we got into a fight. It turns out that he was actually going to his ex girlfriends house, where nobody would be home, to “hang out with her”. I told him not to. He asked why, and I said “Why should I approve if you lied to me?” Next thing I knew, she called me cursing me out, said that she was so much better for him than I was and that they had a “connection”, she then said that I was crazy like my mother and that it was no wonder nobody loved me. She called me a ton of hurtful names, and when my boyfriend found out about this, he DEFENDED HER and refused to stick up for me. He spent all his time following this playing World of Warcraft.

That’s when the wrist incidents started happening. Whenever he got angry he’d grab me by the wrist and twist it so hard that I felt like it was going to break, or he’d pull my arm up behind my back until I felt my shoulder popping out, or he’d choke me. I wanted to go out on dates and have fun, he wanted to stay home and play video games or watch TV. He’d make me feel really bad about “forcing him” to take me out somewhere (he lives very close to everything) so we’d end up only ever going where he wanted and getting what he wanted. I never had a choice. We fought constantly. We’d call each other names and things would start to get out of hand. He was refusing to go to school of any sort at this point, having graduated high school. For a second time he tried to make plans with his ex behind my back, but I discovered it and it was nullified. Girls from his work were hitting on him and trying to get him to hang out with them or go on dates. He kept saying he got along better with girls than guys and that he just wanted to have friends. I’d found out from a friend that also worked there that it was obvious these girls didn’t just want friendship from him and he knew it. I said no. He would flirt with him over the phone. I asked him to stop. He kept saying they were just friends. Eventually, he did delete them from his phone and stopped talking to them.

This past summer, he got more violent. I’d been dieting to lose weight, and he started forcing me to eat really unhealthy foods. I started gaining the weight back and kept struggling to keep it off. He made it so that I would feel so bad if I didn’t eat the food he bought for me, that I’d have to eat it. His two best friends and I threw him a surprise birthday party. He didn’t appreciate it. Things are blurry here. During the fall he saw me less and less, making up excuses and lying to me about what he was doing in his free time. I saw another one of his ex’s names in his phone. He supposedly had dumped her for me. During the beginning of our relationship she called him repeatedly talking about missing him and all these things. He made it out like he hated her and she was harassing him, and when I took the phone when she called one day and told her off the calls stopped. Her number appeared in his phone again. I asked why. He said they just wanted to catch up. I broke into his email in November only to find out that he was active on his gaia account which he’d supposedly closed a year ago. I logged into his gaia, and then I saw something I wished I hadn’t. For the entirety of our relationship, which we were days away from our two year anniversary, he had been flirting EXPLICITLY with her through private messaging. She was sending him naked pictures to his phone and he told her a bunch of lies about me, saying I was a crazy psycho and that I was unintelligent and stupid and that he hated me and was just using me. He told her he wanted to meet up with her in person because he still wanted to have sex with her. They’d been in constant contact, having an online relationship behind my back. I confronted him, and he showed up at my house saying he was sorry and he’d break off contact with her. He told her off. But he was nice about it. My trust for him was shattered.

I was in the hospital the week before christmas for reasons i won’t get into, and it was pretty much a very hard time for me. I didn’t trust anything he said, and he kept calling me and insecure bitch and saying that I am controlling of everything he does. This went on and on. Over January we kept fighting. Then I found out that his ex girlfriend (the one he made plans with behind my back) had showed up at his work and tried to get him to come to her apartment. He said he’d never talk to her again, and he had promised me previously that he would walk away if she contacted him. He didn’t. He asked for her number and put it in his phone again, and she kept trying to flirt with him through text messages. I contacted her and told her to stop, and she responded by verbally abusing me, repeatedly calling my cell phone for days on end, and sending me horrific texts saying I should kill myself. She’s done this on and off every few months, to the point where I considered pressing charges. He refused to stick up for me once again.

Since the beginning of January he’s been making me pay for everything. I’m not allowed to have a job. I get a certain allowance from social security every month, which isn’t much, and that’s what I have to get the things I want and pay for school lunch. He demands that I pay when we go out, or that I pay for myself. I’ve been finding myself out of cash and desperate for money. Then, on the small occasions when he pays, he makes me feel like I freeloader for it and complains for hours about how poor I make him. During an argument about this, he cheered me up by saying we’d go to free pancake day at ihop in February. I’d never been to an ihop. I was excited. Skipping up to a few weeks ago, we got in a fight. We were play wrestling and I’d accidentally hurt him.

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor and he was slamming his heel into my chest as hard as he could, then shoving his knee into my diaphragm and choking me, laughing the entire time. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I stayed there for a long time. He went back to playing video games for a good half hour. He forced me to curl up in bed with him, and I tried to pull away. He started trying to strangle me just for trying to get off the bed, and when I finally escaped from his grasp and went to get off, he kicked me really hard in the back. I tried to get onto the computer to IM somebody and ask for help or something, but he would kick me away from the laptop every time. He taunted me and kept asking why I wouldn’t say anything, then started punching me repeatedly and trying to suffocate me again. He held me down and kept trying to get in my pants, but I kept trying to squirm away. I was upset. I was crying. I should have left him then and there.

I came to school the next day with long bruises on my next shaped like fingers. My close friend there noticed right away, and was really angry about it. This friend is refusing to talk to me because I didn’t break up with my boyfriend. More fights occurred. For the past six months he has refused to look at schools, refused to think about a career option, and then picked an option that is easy but refuses to apply to any tech schools. He refuses to go out anywhere new. Says everyone’s pressuring him. Makes excuses not to drive. And then last minute, he said I wouldn’t be going to the free pancake day at ihop because it’ll be too crowded and he doesn’t feel like going. I couldn’t find another ride, and was pretty angry that the one time we’d be doing what I want, he found a way out of it.

The arguing continues. He makes me happy sometimes. I do love him. I don’t know how to escape this relationship. I feel like it’s best to just let us drift apart on our own. But I am alone in this… Completely alone. No supportive parents. He’s isolated me from most of my friends. The friends I had left won’t talk to me anymore because I let him treat me like this….

I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been the selfish one. Making him take me places and stuff, I don’t know. Am I really being that selfish…? I don’t know.