Angry At Life
Tue, Jan 22, 2008I remember a time when I was truly happy, never an angry person, I would get upset about things, but always was able to brush them off. Patient with everything, taking life with a grain of salt, I always looked to the best of a bad situation.
Then that “day” happened, the day where LIFE kicks you in the ass, combined with a massive blow to the gut. Although it was two years it always seems like yesterday. It was Monday morning, my husband was home from work because his truck threw the transmission at the end of that previous week. Dustin was getting ready to leave for school, we were talking about today being his first day of wrestling practice. Dustin walked out the door and Darren was still getting ready for school. My husband was taking the dog out and I walked out on the porch, it was a very cold January morning. It was there that we watched our son peddle away on his bike. Shortly after that Darren left for school and we retreated to the computer for the morning news. We heard the emergency sirens and seen the Fire Rescue go by, as we often did, and I said I hate when the sirens go by right after the kids leave. The next thing I remember is Darren running through the door saying “Dustin had been hit by a car.” I will never forget the blood curdling scream I let out, as our daughter screamed and grabbed me. I told her he was fine and we were going to him. My husband was out the door running down the road before I could even comprehend what was happening. I grabbed my coat, tried to calm the kids for a second and I was off too. When I got out the door I could see the traffic was stopped and lined up Dixie Highway. Through the cars I went to the sidewalk and said to myself, these damn sidewalks, I wish they would f***ing shovel. I finally arrived at the police car that was blocking the road, and just grabbed my husband. I just blurted out “what was he wearing”, the officer said a blue coat, the most surreal feeling came over me and for a millisecond, I thought he was fine. I said Dustin had a black coat and then our life shattered, the officer was handed the yellow sports eligibility packet, the same folded packet Dustin had put in his pocket just 15 minutes before. I looked at the officer’s face and she did not have to say anything, We Knew, and again I let out that blood curdling scream.
The sun was rising that morning, to all our surprise we had not seen the sun in almost two weeks. I was in a daze with everything happening around me like a bad nightmare. As I was standing there again on the porch with the sun shining the rage hit, a rage I have never felt before. My blood was boiling and I just wanted to scream I am pissed at LIFE for letting us down! I was angry at everything, the media, the people around me, all the damn decisions you have to make immediately. They say this is a normal grieving process and that it will pass. Two years later, I am still just as angry.
That is why we started Boiled Over, because bad things happen to good people. Ranting and speaking what is on all of our minds is a good release. The one thing we wanted to do when launching this site was to focus on our son and the injustice we felt from the many people involved. The community showed tons of support, we couldn’t ask for more, but we felt a need for people to know the truth about what really happened to Dustin. We have written about the sidewalks, touched on the insurance company and tomorrow we will be posting about the “lazy” police investigation. Tomorrow will be the two year mark.
blog says:
Jan. 22, 2008
When I read your blogs the sudden realization that no one is safe in our world hit me and the reality that life is ever so fragile appears in my mind. I read your blog and get Goose bumps. I don’t know where you gather the strength to continue talking about your unfortunate circumstances!
God Bless your family and I wish there was more I could say…but there isn’t! Nothing I can say will make you feel better, nothing I can say will change the harsh world we live in! If I was to wear your shoes for one day I would feel the pain and sadness the clouds your sunshine daily!
These are sad times for you and your family and I will be praying for you tonight! Praying that you can move on with happiness and love for one another. The strength you show and write about in your blogs gives me hope that someday you will once again be reunited with your loved one, in another place, a happier place where he is waiting ever so patiently!
I just want you to know your not the only who feels sadness, I feel your pain and wish your family well!
I am thinking about you!
Best wishes
bbrian017
anonymous says:
Jan. 22, 2008
i read you posting always. even though i truly do not know the pain deep in your soul. i know about a different kind of pain.losing someone is the hardest thing in the world. and sometime i am sure we all ask why would god ever do this to anyone. what on earth did we do to get thing .. i went to church every sunday. every holiday. i though i had it maded my life was going good. i had great parents. a great kids, a great husband. wow just one day in december my dad died. he just died not sick pretty healthy, it has been 10 long years. i feel the pain just about every day. why i do not know it has been a long time. but i miss him. maybe because i know he is gone and i know i can not see him when ever i want. i have not been back to chirch sense december 10 years ago. and to me that is sad. i have lose alot of people in my life.and i will lose alot more. but two that i still love very much is gone. i feel your pain just different your the mother your pain will never be like no more else. you keep fighting with every bet of heart you have. and when you think you can not start a another day. you put one foot in front of the other. and you take baby step. one at a time. i feel your pain your family.. yous are always in my though every day.i only started to pray again myself two years ago. god has funny ways of people dealing with death. you miss someone that has been gone. and than years later you lose someone else.he just replace pain with another lose.i am not sure that make sense. do you ever wonder why the sun was shing that sad day.. maybe because heaven got someone very special!!!!
Chad & Stacey says:
Jan. 23, 2008
Thank you both for your kind words. We really appreciate it, today will be a hard day, but we will be with our family.
AngryJed says:
Jan. 24, 2008
You have every right to be angry at life after that ordeal. you are also right that bad things happen to good people for no apparent reason. Does it make you feel that there is nobody behind the wheel? My own struggles seem trivial compared to yours but my anger is not just about me, I’m angry for people like you and anyone else who is just trying to get through life with some normalcy only to find that the deck has been stacked against you.
Chad & Stacey says:
Jan. 29, 2008
Yes we feel everyday that maybe no one is behind the wheel, but that can make your life a lonely and dark place. For the past week we spent a lot of time venting to the ones we love, it truely helps. There are so many people out there with the deck stacked against them in many ways, so with the upcoming election I am sure there will be a lot to boil over about.
nas says:
Oct. 28, 2011
i feel angry, sad, sorry, aggressive, but still all i can do is just watch. i try till my last breath but nothing is changing. i fight and every time i loose. i have only one problem. its bothering me so much.but i can do nothing. i have to die every time when it happens to me. i feel so angry that i have changed the way my head bones look. i used to be a handsome guy but now i have changed my face to an ugly creature. my problem is some one i hate the most but i cant hurt. i cant see him with my self but i live with him. i want to tell him so many things but cant say a word. i dont know what to do.